writing

i write for:

the huffington post

  • Jay-Z Reminds Me of Republicans
    The more people need things to be personal to them in order for them to do the “right thing” – whatever that is – the more skewed our world is

  • Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Blunted Affect
    In the past two episodes of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we’ve seen not only the other cast members essentially outing the abuse claims on national TV, but also Russell and Taylor’s reaction to it.

  • COLORed Folks — Share Your Shame, Fight the Stigma
    There was a time when I wasn’t willing to admit I had an eating disorder. Hell. No. After all, I was supposed to be on top of everything — a good example for my school, my family, God, my race… and the list continued. An eating disorder didn’t fit into that equation.

  • Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Stunted Growth
    The first season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was — as would be expected — grand, opulent, and ostentatious. This second season, though, has delved into many more issues and the once innocent fun is clouded by reports of abuse and suicide. As a result, I’ve seen many multifaceted dynamics and read enough viewers’ comments that I wanted to share my thoughts as well.

  • Let’s Nix the Black Swan Diet
    It seems encouraging people to look like a character who suffered from an eating disorder is a detriment to their audience. It is my belief that the media should in no way promote this unhealthy diet, even in moderation, because it is founded on an unhealthy lifestyle that centers around unhealthy behaviors.

  • What Michelle Obama Can Teach Us That Models Can’t (1 Year Later)
    A year ago, I wrote about Spring 2010 Fashion Week because I was finding it quite uncomfortable to look at most of the models. Now, Spring 2011 Fashion Week is occurring and I’m finding that I’m having a similar reaction. It’s no less serious. Eating disorders are not a joke. Eating disorders kill at disproportionate percentages, and I’d rather be a broken record than not sound the alarms.

  • NBC, Enough with the Diet Shows
    I get it — weight loss shows make for good television. High ratings and high advertising revenue are important. But they’re not the only things that are important.

  • Remembering Jay on Memorial Day
    Memorial Day is to commemorate US soldiers who died while in military service. It’s to honor those who did what the majority of us aren’t willing to do: sacrifice their lives for this country, its principles and its citizens. For me, Memorial Day is also a time to remember those soldiers and veterans who are still among us but are shells of who they used to be. It is also to remember those people who after going to war, are physically living, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually gone.

  • It’s Not the Weight: Why ‘Fat is Beautiful’ is Not the Answer
    While I appreciate the culture’s desire for larger women, I hope for a culture that appreciates women just as we are.

  • Tiger Woods And The Importance Of Amends
    When I found out Tiger Woods would offer a public apology last Friday, I wanted to hear it. I don’t really care about his personal life, nor is it my responsibility to judge his sincerity. I was, however, interested because of my own experiences with amends.

  • What Michelle Obama Can Teach Us That Models Can’t
    I don’t expect fashion shows to feature more realistically sized females any more than I expect fashion ads to stop excessively trimming their models. I do hope, however, that seeing images of healthy, strong, beautiful women like Michelle Obama will encourage us to feel more comfortable with ourselves and celebrate our bodies.

  • Good Hair Wars
    I congratulate Tyra Banks for deciding to let the public see her wearing her hair natural. I encourage Beyoncé Knowles to do the same. I was quite hesitant to wear my hair natural in public but after I did, I found it to be refreshing. They might have a similar reaction, and they can positively influence their fans at the same time.

  • Treat Yourself as Well as You Treat Your Pet
    Ask yourself this question: “Do I treat myself as well as I treat my pet?”

  • Standing Up With British Vogue’s Editor
    No, I don’t despise thin people or even naturally thin models. I am, however, disgusted with the promotion of eating disorders running rampant.

  • Lent, a Cookie Craving, and a Healthier Goal
    I realized then and I realize now that even if I never lose another pound, it’s imperative for my own sanity that I love my body as it is. If I gain weight, it’s vital that I don’t beat myself up but embrace where I am. Since I’m going to spend my whole life with this body, I might as well love it.

  • Dear Grandma, A Change Has Come!
    What if I were to write to my grandma about Barack? What would I say to her?

  • Thanking, Instead of Apologizing for, Our Bodies
    Recently, I’ve been thinking about how so many people, but particularly women, apologize for their bodies rather than celebrating how great they really are.

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psychology today

  • If I Was a Parent (of Someone with an Eating Disorder)
    The holidays are here, and I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to be the parent of a kid with an eating disorder. While the holiday season can be difficult for those with eating disorders, it can also take a large toll on family members. If parents came to me for advice, this is what I would recommend:

  • Thank you, Sausi
    As Thanksgiving approaches, I’m thinking more about what I’m thankful for. While the list is seemingly endless, I did want to take the time to recognize a person who played a significant role in my life. My best friend was an incredible person and I will always appreciate the care and consideration she showed me not only when I was in treatment, but both before and after.

  • Recovery Trumps Guilt
    In my last piece, I mentioned that I’ve been conversing with someone who struggles with bulimia. Over the past few days, she’s mentioned how guilty she feels about the money her parents will have to spend for her to go in inpatient treatment. I let her know that I totally understand, and this is what I do to combat it.

  • It Gets Better
    Anyone who’s had an eating disorder and has a family that is aware of it will fight about it sometime. I can remember some of the devastating fights my parents and I had. The fights, tears, and constant tension between them and me were possibly worse than the physical disease was. As bad as the fights were, the talking, reconciling, understanding and healing was beautiful.

  • Psychology Today, the Misconception of Racism, and the Kanazawa Problem
    I understand that Satoshi Kanazawa brings exposure and publicity for Psychology Today, but his writing does more harm than good. In his zeal to offend as many people as possible, he does a disservice to the field of psychology and brings scorn to Psychology Today.

  • Lindsay Lohan and the Necessity of Full Disclosure
    When I originally heard Lindsay was going to rehab, I didn’t think too much about it. After all, celebrities go to rehab all the time. When I heard about her supposed run-in with a nurse while in rehab, I understood because once when I’d been in treatment for an eating disorder, I literally had a fit and the person who had to deal with me was the nurse on duty. After finding out about her alleged shoplifting, I was reminded of two things that I have found are crucial to recovery: full disclosure and willingness.

  • Neurotic? Befriend a “Normie”
    What’s a “normie”? I will explain in eating terms. In various eating disorder support group meetings, I was introduced to the concept of normie as a “normal eater”, aka someone who’s not a food addict. I define a normie as someone who:
    • is comfortable with food
    • eats for pleasure and nourishment
    • doesn’t eat with their weight in mind

  • What’s the Link Between Eating Disorders and Vegetarianism? (pt. 3)
    I’ve talked to dozens of people who’ve had eating disorders and also been vegetarians, besides looking at my own reflections and writings, and received an overwhelming number of responses from those I don’t personally know, and I’ve noticed certain subsidiary patterns to often be true.

  • What’s the Link Between Eating Disorders and Vegetarianism? (pt. 2)
    I became a vegan out of desperation, not to be healthy, not to save the animals, not to lose weight, but to stop practicing my eating disorder.

  • What’s the Link Between Eating Disorders and Vegetarianism? (pt. 1)
    Not long before I decided to become a vegetarian, I started wanting to lose weight. Did I want to stop eating animals because I genuinely didn’t want these creatures to suffer? Yes. Was all of it a tangled web of empathy, guilt, health and self-image? Probably. Did I think, I can become a vegetarian and lose weight in the process? Absolutely.

  • Ode to My Recovery Dog
    One thing I learned from outpatient and inpatient treatment was that animals are beneficial to therapy. Having wanted a dog for years, I found this was the perfect pitch to use with my parents. I said, “The therapists said that animals are helpful for recovery.” A couple months later, we brought home my puppy.

  • Suicide’s Note (pt. 3)
    About three and a half years ago, an acquaintance killed herself. When a friend called and told me, I was shocked. I knew the woman had been in a bad place, and knew that she had recently relapsed, but I didn’t realize how much despair she was feeling.

  • Combating the Stigma of Depression (pt. 2)
    As if depression weren’t bad enough, the stigma associated with it can be quite intense. Here are ways to lessen the stigma:

  • The Sad & the Glad About Depression & Suicide (pt. 1)
    There has seemed to be more news coverage than normal about depression and suicide. Some high-profile people, who were reported to have dealt with depression for years, have recently ended their lives; a number of college students have done so as well. When I first head about these recent occurrences, I thought, how can we as a society lessen the stigma of suicide and depression? A few moments later I thought, how about you do your part? One way to change the perception of depression is for those of us who deal with it to share our experiences.

  • Tiger Woods and the Importance of Amends
    When I found out Tiger Woods would offer a public apology last Friday, I wanted to hear it. I don’t really care about his personal life, nor is it my responsibility to judge his sincerity. I was, however, interested because of my own experiences with amends.

  • Putting Guilt Into Perspective
    When I first heard about the earthquake in Haiti, I felt sad, worried, angry. I didn’t, however, feel guilty, which is a huge improvement.

  • New Year’s Resolutions? Not this Time.
    I believe the reason I’ve always rebelled against New Year’s resolutions is because I wasn’t totally dedicated to them. They always felt somewhat compulsory. I had good intentions when I created them, but good intentions didn’t equal commitment. I can’t recall ever having a resolution that I established at the beginning of the year that was crucial enough for me to follow it for a whole year. Yet, I’d find myself creating the same resolutions again and again.

  • Eating Disorder Recovery Holiday Survival Plan
    People often mention that it can be difficult to eat healthily, stay in shape, heck – to stay sane during the holidays. It wasn’t until I was in recovery from my eating disorder that I understood what they mean. These are some tips I’ve developed to maintain my sanity during the holiday season, and you might find them useful as well.

  • Letter to My Body
    Last weekend, I found a letter that I’d written to my body. The letter, which I crafted during a body image class and typed later, was written a few weeks into my stay at an eating disorder treatment facility. Some of the particulars are different, but I still found the letter to be applicable to today. Here it is:

  • Lessons from Sophomore Year
    Apparently, it’s my sophomore year in college because I’ve been experiencing plenty of déjà vu. It’s manifested itself in various ways. If I’m going to continue experiencing sophomore déjà vu, let me take the lessons from that year and make the most of them.

  • The Courage to Ask For Help
    What four-letter word can be the most difficult to say?   Help. Living in a society that prides itself on self-sufficiency, the idea of asking for help can often be daunting. You mean admit that I can’t handle everything that comes my way? Not a chance! The ability, though, to ask for help can sometimes be life saving.

  • Color Preferences, Michael Jackson, and the Love of Self
    After watching a TV segment on Harvard’s Implicit Aptitude Test, I decided to take the light skin vs. dark skin sample test. Once I finished, my result was: Your data suggest a strong automatic preference for Dark Skin compared to Light Skin. I was absolutely stunned. I didn’t know what the result would be, but I wasn’t expecting that.

  • Work With What You’ve Got
    Tools are there to be used. It doesn’t matter if they’re conventional or unconventional. If something works for me, I’ll use it. Likewise, if something works for you, use it.

  • “It’s Gotta Come Out Some Way”
    Crying and dealing with difficult situations and emotions can feel unpleasant, but it is rarely as messy – physically, mentally, spiritually, or emotionally – as trying to avoid them.

  • What’s the Story?
    This chapter is both far from new while also one that’s new anyway. Every morning I have the privilege of beginning another day in recovery.

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essence

  • Commentary: ‘Black People Don’t Have Eating Disorders’
    Is there a connection between Black History Month and National Eating Disorders Awareness Week? For me, there is. I am Black and have spent years struggling with disordered eating. Let me share my process of accepting these two areas of my life.

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beliefnet

  • Struggling with Egypt Syndrome? Get to the Promised Land
    I struggle with Egypt syndrome. Egypt Syndrome refers to a spiritual, rather than physical, Egypt. I’ve had many Egypts – things that have enslaved me – particularly a food addiction. It was ruling my life, as eating disorders have a tendency to do. Near the end of my rope, God rescued me from it to show me life on the other side. But I, just like the Israelites, have gotten frustrated time and again when God hasn’t responded how I wanted on my timetable. I’ve turned my eyes from God and all of a sudden, Egypt looked really nice and I started longing for it again.

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kqed

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ode magazine

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intent

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